“Little by little we let go of loss, but never of love.” – Unknown
Grief is one of those emotions that have a life of their own. Grief can be like a wave. It can come in suddenly with a lot of emotions, and then fade away just as quickly as it came in. It carries every feeling within it and sometimes there’s no way to discern it.
One of the greatest teachings about grief, is one I learned from Buddhism. It is the lesson of impermanence, meaning that everything that comes into being will go out of being. It is an easy concept to logically grasp, until you have to face it straight on.
Grief comes in many forms. Any loss can touch off a series of emotional responses in you. You can help yourself move through your pain to healing. It is possible to heal, know and understand this. Whether you follow the tips below, or you implement your own ways to cope, know that your path to healing is just that, yours. Do not compare how you grieve versus another. Be open to wherever your grief takes you, in the time that it takes you.
Here are 6 things that help me get through grief, and help me heal:
1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings
Too often many people will not allow themselves to feel uncomfortable emotions. Uncomfortable emotions are difficult to deal with no matter how strong you are, it’s never easy. You are human, and your emotions are authentic. Suppressing or ignoring how you feel, will never help you heal. You can’t heal what you don’t admit hurt you. By sitting in your feelings, you can allow yourself to begin the process of healing. You can explore your emotions, without judgement, and simply honor them for exactly what they are. Emotions can change, but in order to change them you must feel them.
2. Be gentle and kind to yourself
While grieving it’s crucial to be gentle and kind to yourself. If you never implement self-care into your routine, NOW is the time to start. Do whatever makes you feel good. Watch that show or movie, take that long bath, eat something delicious, decline any obligations you don’t feel like going to. Do things with you in mind, and don’t feel guilty about it. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, just treat yourself with some much needed TLC.
3. Meditate
Take a deep inhale in, and a long exhale out. Meditation is a gift you can give yourself anytime. It can be as short as 5 minutes. Meditation allows you to quite your mind, not clear your mind. Often there is a misconception that meditation should clear your mind of all thoughts. This is inaccurate, and it’s impossible to achieve. You’re always going to have thoughts in your mind as long as you’re breathing. The benefit of meditation is to allow yourself to quite any persistent thoughts, and concentrate being in the present moment. Meditation can help calm and relax you, sleep better, and lessen any anxiety you may have. If you’re new to meditation I invite you to check out my Instagram page, @iamnamastej. I lead a free 15-20 minute guided meditation sessions every Sunday at 9pm EST. If you can make it, no worries, I share all my meditations and they live on my page. Last week I did a meditation on grief, so please check it out.
4. Give gratitude
Being thankful for what you already have, can do wonders with your healing. Take time in your day to simply acknowledge the things you can be grateful for. Perhaps you can think how grateful you are for your family & friends, your health, that you have a roof over your head, your ability to buy food, the career you have, the ability to workout, all the furniture you own, your pets, or even the fact you had the wonderful person in your life who you are currently grieving. Giving thanks for what you have can really help get you in a better mood, especially when you are grieving.
5. Rest without explanation
Rest is productive! In order to live energetically and intentionally, our body and mind require rest. Don’t fall into believing you must stay active 24 hours a day, or else you’re not productive. This is unfortunately something society will try and make you believe, and it’s simply not true. While grieving allow yourself to rest as much as you need to. Take naps, sleep in, or simply just lie down. You cannot recharge yourself or your emotions unless you honor yourself and rest.
6. Seek therapy
Healing from grief is not an isolated experience. Sure, you should lean on your family and friends during this time, and they can offer great comfort to you, but sometimes a professional is needed. A therapist is often more equipped to help us deal with grief. They are able to offer a safe space to share how your feeling, and give you practical tools on how to heal and soothe yourself. Seeking therapy is healthy. It does not mean something is wrong with you, and it’s not embarrassing to seek professional help. The most health people know do not have all the answers, so they seek out professionals to help them.